February 1, 2017

How to Write a Politically Correct Business Email

Dear Bubba,
I know that I really ought to be raising this issue with Jim Bob. But, as anyone who's met him knows, he's a stupid S.O.B. and lazy to boot, so therefore unlikely to either understand or care about my concerns.


Dang. That's no good.

Dear Bubba,
I know that I really ought to be raising this issue with Jim Bob. But I think that it falls outside his area of expertise. I hope that you will be able to help me take care of this problem, or recommend someone else who can. Please don't bring Jim Bob into this, he's dumb as a slug and mean as a hornet and you'll only make him confused and angry.


Nope. Dang.

Dear Bubba,
I know that I really ought to be raising this issue with Jim Bob. But I think that it falls outside his area of expertise. I hope that you will be able to help me take care of the problem, or recommend someone else who can. I don't think it's a good idea to bother Jim Bob with this right now, as he has other priorities. If we can come up with a reasonable solution quickly, I think we'll be able to implement it before Jim Bob has another one of his temper tantrums and goes whining to the boss like a spoiled five-year-old.


Nope. Can't do it. Try again.

Dear Bubba,
I know that I really ought to be raising this issue with Jim Bob. But I think that it falls outside his area of expertise. I hope that you will be able to help me take care of the problem, or recommend someone else who can. I don't think it's a good idea to bother Jim Bob with this right now, as he has other priorities. If we can come up with a reasonable solution quickly, I think we'll be able to implement it without interference.
Thank you for your time.