September 18, 2014

TBT: Odes to the Dallas Airport

Created from a photo by Grant Wickes

Flipping through an old notebook to find some songs I wrote long ago, I came across a page of doggerel titled "Odes to the Dallas Airport (or should I say 'odors'?)". These would have been written some time in 1991, probably during my first trip to Sewanee as a prospective student.

Thankfully, DFW has improved a lot since then. But the memory of what it once was has been immortalized in verse.

I Will Wait

To the tune of "Let It Snow"
Oh, the bathrooms are quite disgusting
And the toilet seats are rusting
But since I've heard my plane is late
I will wait, I will wait, I will wait
The women are all smokin' ciggies
And have hairdos like Miss Piggy
They just changed my departure gate
I will wait, I will wait, I will wait

To Fly or Not to Fly

To fly or not to fly?
That is the question,
Whether 'tis nobler to stay in my seat,
Or to take precautions against the ladies' restroom,
And by holding my breath not smell anything;
To sit in a smoke-filled stall,
To pee,
To pee perchance to actually have to touch the toilet seat.
Ay, there's the rub.


From gate 20A I'll depart
This gate's not for the faint at heart
The one place left to sit
Is covered with spit
And contains a malodorous fart

Flying is just as much fun
As being shot with a large gun
The seats are so tiny
They don't fit my hiney
I have to sit on just one bun

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